


Falling

by Neocolai



Series: Never Alone [3]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst, Darth Vader's Influence, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Visions, sick!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-08 16:46:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4312686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neocolai/pseuds/Neocolai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>3rd in the Never Alone series. Ezra was rescued from Mustafar but the dark side still hunts him. Or, five times Ezra<br/>thought he was talking to Vader, and once when he scared the whole crew. No slash.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

(Disclaimer: Neocolai does not own Star Wars Rebels or anything associated with the series.)

* * *

(Thank you to EmpressRulerofallthatiswierd for this idea!) :)

* * *

4 months after  _Never Alone_.

* * *

"M'not gonna do it."

One, they had all spent too many nights dodging stormtroopers. Two, the kid was definitely drugged. How Hera managed to slip a sleeping med into Ezra's drink without him noticing… actually, given that they were all blundering into walls, Kanan wasn't alarmed.

"Ezra, go to bed. You're senseless like the rest of us." Agitatedly Kanan scrubbed his palm over his brow. He was too exhausted to deal with this.

"You're not my master."

Great. Kanan moaned softly, rubbing his temples. "Ezra, would you please sleep it off?"

"I'm not … not'yr padw'n…" Ezra stumbled back, dragging his hand down the wall as though seeking an escape route. "Not my master."

"Kay, fine. We're going to bed." Grouchily Kanan laid a hand on his padawan's shoulder and steered him away from the wall. Ezra growled low and batted him away.

"My master's…. master's Kanan…. yr'not him."

"Then who am I?" Kanan was  _trying_  to be patient, but the bunk called to him and his head ached and he was half tempted to let the kid fall asleep in the hall if it meant he could doze for an hour.

"Vader," Ezra slurred, jabbing his finger into Kanan's chest. "Yr'not my dad… my dad… I'm gonna find'im…. Find Kanan."

Kanan's scowl lifted. He crouched before Ezra, checking the glazed eyes. "Hera gave you sleeping meds?"

A flicker of doubt. Slowly Ezra nodded.

"Thought so." Wearily Kanan stroked his chin. "Hm." The kid was a maniac when drugged. Convincing him of anything when he was coherent was trial enough…

_How does Hera do it?_

"Tell you what," Kanan said casually, "Let's go talk to Mom. She can find Kanan."

Hera had started this whole 'parent' debacle. She could deal with it.

"S'not my mom!" Ezra lurched away. "M-Mira. Mira Brijer. She's right."

"Not that kind of mom, kid." A hand to the back of the head kept Ezra moving. Kanan looked over his shoulder, wary of droids bearing holo-cams.

"Dn'call me kid. Not Kanan."

"Almost there."

Kanan peaked into the kitchen, smiling sheepishly when he saw Hera drooping over an untouched sapir. He pointed to the kid and mouthed, 'Meds'.

"Mm, again?" Hera staggered upright and wove her way to the door. Crouching before Ezra, she smoothed his hair back and smiled. "Hey, Ezra. Mom's tired and Dad is, too. Think you can go to sleep for a while?"

Magically Ezra's hands wound about Kanan's arm. "Do I hafta go?"

"No, sweetie." Hera blinked sluggishly. "You can stay."

Ezra yawned. "Vader was talking to me. I told'im to go'way. He said you'd find Kanan."

"I'm here now, Ezra," Kanan said, bending to lift the kid over his shoulder. A muffled protest and a flop of the head, and Ezra was unconscious.

"We are not doing late night ops again," Hera mumbled.

"Bed, Hera," Kanan instructed, steering her to her room. "I'll look after Ezra."

"Mmm. Night." The door shut and metal clattered soon after. Kanan hoped she had at least reached the bunk before shattering the lamp.

"One down."

The only insomniac left was him.

Ezra snored disjointedly, barely stirring when Kanan lifted him to his bunk. Zeb grumbled a protest about late night walkers, and Kanan almost patted his head as though he was Chopper.

Hera was right. Three straight weeks of night ops was ridiculous. Lucky for Kanan, Zeb and Sabine were already sleeping it off.

Two zoned out crew members brought enough disaster.

Kanan trudged to his own room, legs heavy and brain as dense as an asteroid. He slapped the wall several times before locating the locking mechanism. Pitching unsteadily, he shuffled inside and tapped around until the lights switched off.

A holocam flashed.

Blue-green eyes narrowed. Chopper chortled in the corner, showing off a holovid of Kanan slogging like a zombie. One dead-tired Jedi and a cheeky droid did not belong in the same quarters. Remorselessly Kanan reached through the force and flicked the droid's power switch.

Silence.

He flopped awkwardly onto the bunk and slept through Hera's alarm when she saw the deactivated Chopper next morning.


	2. Burning Remnants

\- 6 months after  _Never Alone_  (Takes place immediately after chapter 17 of  _Renewal -_ "Covert Cataclysm")

(Heavy references to chapter 19 of  _Never Alone_ )

* * *

Blasted kid was having a nightmare again.

"No – m'not … don't hurt him… Dad _, p_ _lease_!"

Zeb peeked at the overhead bunk.

"Don't kill him … I'm sorry! Sorry, Kanan, I tried – I –  _don't! Stop!_ "

"Uh, kid?" Zeb said softly, rising to shake Ezra's shoulder.

Deep blue eyes spiraled as Ezra was dragged awake. He looked around waveringly before his gaze settled on Zeb.

Panic.

"Go," Ezra urged softly, pushing Zeb's shoulder. "H-hurry."

"I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not dead." The kid really needed a better line.

"I'll hold Vader back," Ezra said faster. "Run! He – he won't catch you! I'll stop him." Tears filled his eyes. "Please!"

Zeb frowned. This wasn't the usual 'I'm alone and you're dead so get lost' sequence. "I'm not dead and you're on the Ghost. Snap out of it, Lothrat."

"He's coming!" Ezra cried out, looking over his shoulder. He shoved Zeb frantically and turned to address the wall. "You don't have to do this! I'll – I'll do what you want, okay? I'll train under you. M-Master – that's what you want, isn't it?"

"You're talking to a wall!" Zeb declared.

"What more do you want from me?" The kid was nearly sobbing, crawling to put himself between the unseen and Zeb. "Dad, please! Don't make me watch again!" He turned aside, covering his face. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"Kid…." Aghast, Zeb shook the bony shoulder. "Karabast…. Ezra, you're dreaming, you hear me? Come on, now. Don't make me drag Kanan into this; he's right out of his head with that concussion and Hera'll kill me if I wake him.  _Kid_. Stop sniveling and look at me."

Slowly Ezra lifted his head. "Zeb?" he said hoarsely. "Zeb?"

Frenzied. Traumatized.

Zeb's ears fell. "Yeah, kid. It's me."

"I'm not on Mustafar?" Ezra whispered. He was shaking.

"Nah, kid. We're on the Ghost. I can even ask Chopper to zap you if you want proof."

_"Zeb!"_

Karabast, the kid practically crawled into his arms! Panicking, Zeb searched for backup and then clumsily patted Ezra's shoulder. "I'm not dead, you useless runt."

"It wasn't you!" Ezra gasped rapidly. "Wasn't – wasn't….!"

"Easy, now! Kanan's conked himself but he's still breathing."

"Kanan w-wasn't there."

Pitiful Lothrat could barely form a proper sentence. All the same, Zeb was relieved.

_Dad... Please!_

He'd almost assumed the dream-Vader had turned Kanan against them.


	3. Mynock Fever

3 ½ months after  _Never Alone_

* * *

"S'bine?"

Flushed cheeks and eyes that were constantly watering. Poor kid looked like he wanted to bury himself in a sand dune.

"Everything's fine, Ezra," Sabine assured for the sixth time. "Hera took the Phantom to get fever reducers. Kanan went with her. Zeb thinks you're contagious and I told Chopper to stay out of your room."

"Oh." Rasping a cough, Ezra shuffled into the co-pilot seat and pulled his blanket over his head. "Kanan?"

"Escorting Hera," Sabine repeated.

"Oh."

Mynock fever. Not life-threatening, thankfully, but they should have checked Ezra's vaccinations before entering the asteroid field. Force knows he was vulnerable to every disease foreign to Lothal.

"Close your eyes if you can," Sabine suggested. Because heaven help her if she suggested something as appalling as  _sleep_.

"Kanan's going to be back soon?" 'Miserable' took on a new meaning when one's vocal chords were swollen.

"It'll be another few hours, Ezra. Why don't I fix you that sapir tea he likes?"

Ezra doggedly shook his head. "Wanna talk to Kanan." He blinked heavily at the passing stars. "Kanan?"

"Oh, you're out of it," Sabine mumbled. Kanan was right; Ezra was bonkers when drugged. "I'd hate to see you on Slick."

"Vader…." Ezra whispered.

Sabine smiled compassionately and tugged Ezra's blanket-hood lower. "He's not here, Ezra."

"Go away," Ezra hissed at the window.

"Ez?" Sabine said worriedly.

Ezra shuddered and slid back until he was crammed against the chair. "Leave me alone."

He was still staring at the transparisteel. Sabine glanced briefly at the stars, then checked the Ghost's scanner. "There are no ships in this sector, Ezra. No one is out there."

"I'm not going back."

The glazed look in his eyes – so resolute even in his delirium – Sabine shivered. Were Kanan's eyes this dark when he was angry?

"I'm not going back!" Ezra repeated, his rasp growing stronger. "Just go away! I don't care who you think you are. You're not my master!"

He jolted, shuddered, and finally looked at Sabine. The blue irises were clear.

"S'bine? What'm I doing here?"

"You … were looking for Kanan," Sabine said cautiously. "He left with Hera to pick up some supplies. He'll be back in a few hours."

"Oh." The lost look was back. "I don't feel good, Sabine."

"Go to bed for a little while," Sabine urged. "Sleep will make the time go faster."

There. She'd said the forbidden 's' word. Ezra nodded lethargically, and Sabine gusted a sigh when he slogged back to his room.

She stared at the console for a long time.

Sith lords were supposed to be frightening.

Not their Ezra.


	4. Cub

2 months after  _Never Alone_

* * *

"Chopper?"

Chopper barely had time to screech before Ezra was crouched beside him, quivering enough to rattle the droid's circuits. Affronted, Chopper jabbed him with his claws.

_Off! Off!_

"Chopper, do you hear it?" Ezra slunk closer to the wall, clutching his lightsaber.

_No. No Jedi weapons near the droid. Out! Out! Out!_

Batting the padawan incessantly proved futile. Chopper grumbled and zapped Ezra with a low pulse.

"Ow! What was that for?" Grabbing a tool, Ezra slung his hand back in annoyance... ...

Only to freeze. Furtively Ezra dropped the tool and scuttled against Chopper. "No," he whispered, looking around apprehensively. "No, leave me alone!"

Chopper droned and dropped his claws.  _No one there. Stupid padawan._

"It's not true!" Ezra shouted, clutching his head. "It's not true! I – I am a Jedi! My master is Kanan! My mother was Mira Bridger! You don't know anything about me!"

Whirling his head, Chopper activated the com.

"Chopper, what's going on?" Kanan responded. "Is Ezra with you?"

"I'm not a Sith! Get out! Get out!  _Get out!_ "

Chopper shrieked and zipped away just before Ezra kicked the toolbox into the wall. Scolding furiously, the droid whipped forward and clonked a wrench over the padawan's head. Shuddering, Ezra sat down hard and pressed a palm against his brow.

"Ezra?" Kanan called anxiously. "Hold on. Don't do anything! I'm coming down there."

"Chopper, he won't leave," Ezra said in a small voice. He pressed his shoulders against the wall, squeezing his eyes shut. Shivering.

Cautiously Chopper slid forward, grumbling as he pushed tools and bolts out of the way. Ezra didn't twitch. Tentatively Chopper poked his side.

Ezra's head lashed up and he gasped for a moment before shuffling closer. Chopper rattled.

_Too close! More space! No contact!_

He bleeped low when the padawan inevitably sidled against him, one arm looped over Chopper's dome.

_Kanan had better take charge of you or else your lifetime supply of laundry is going to be mysteriously oil-stained._

"He won't leave," Ezra said, hunching behind the droid. "Chopper, I can't make it stop!"

Life systems awry. Fragile human emotions were spasming. Grumbling, Chopper settled in and allowed the padawan to hide.

_You owe me an oil bath after this._

Long minutes passed before Kanan's limp was heard and the Jedi master slid down the ladder.

"Ezra?

"Kanan!" The padawan finally left Chopper in peace, scurrying to his caretaker. Chopper swiped his dome in relief.

"What's going on?" Kanan asked.

"He – he's in my head – he won't leave!" Ezra rambled.

"Meditation. Now." Kanan ushered his padawan to the ladder, more cautious when it was his turn to ascend the rungs. Covertly he nodded to Chopper and mouthed, ' _Thank you_.'

Bleeping distastefully, Chopper waved him away. Looking after the Jedi's cub. Just one more task left to the droid.

Hopefully Kanan knew how to make those voices leave Ezra alone.


	5. Vision

7 months after  _Never Alone_

* * *

It was a quiet morning. Kanan was behaving himself, Sabine was reading instead of polluting the air with paint fumes, Chopper was baking (and what was happening in that kitchen, Hera didn't want to know), and Zeb was …

Well, Zeb was the only one acting normally. Asleep in his bunk. Hera fully intended for him to stay there.

"So… you're the only one without a hobby right now," she said to Ezra, determined to distract him or else send him off to bug Kanan if it would keep him out of Zeb's personal space. Last thing she needed was a rabid Lasat tearing apart the Ghost.

Ezra swiveled in his chair, scrutinizing an upside-down map of Alderaan. "Does the Empire even exist here?"

"Don't we all wish otherwise." She really should check on Kanan. No Jedi was quiet this long without  _something_  blowing up.

Her first warning was when Ezra leaned forward, focusing on the space beside Hera's chair. "Stop," he warned low.

"What?" Hera looked back curiously and Ezra hissed.

"Don't touch her!"

"…Ezra?" Now was a good time to pull Kanan away from his stack of panna cakes. Hera subtly reached for the com.

Abruptly Ezra spun in front of her, snarling at the empty space. "I said don't touch her!"

"Ezra!" Hera called sharply.

"This is my family, and you are  _never_  going to threaten them again." Ezra paused as though listening. A flinch rippled down his frame. "Shut up! Shut up! You say the same thing every time. …. I don't care! Get away from my family! …. You can't stop me!"

"Ezra." Hera tapped his arm, glancing anxiously between the empty space and the scowling padawan.

"No, you're wrong!" Ezra growled. "I am not a Sith! I'm going to protect them. I am not a threat!"

"Ezra, stop!"

"I'm not like you!" Ezra screamed. He slammed a palm at the open air, and Hera felt the impulse rattle the control panel.

" _Ezra!_ "

She lunged in front of Ezra and wrapped her arms around him, covering those blazing eyes. Ezra gave a warbled yelp and tugged free.

"Hera, no! You – you have to move! I saw him  _right there!_ "

"Ezra, no one is on board the ship!"

"Yes, he is! I saw him! He's right…." Trailing off, Ezra stared at the doorway and let his arm drop. Hollowly he murmured, "He was right there."

Hera gripped his shoulders reassuringly. "Ezra, we'll talk to Kanan about this. I'm sure it was –"

"No!" For the first time the kid looked panicked at the thought of his master. "No, I – I'm okay. There's nothing wrong with me. Please, Hera! Kanan doesn't need to know."

"Then tell me what happened," Hera implored.

"I …" Staggering, Ezra fell back into his seat and scrubbed a hand over his face. "Nothing. I thought I saw Vader. He's gone now."

"Ez," Hera said softly, "We need to talk about this."

"I'm  _fine_ ," he insisted, blue eyes vibrant and terrified. "I'm not going to hurt anyone."

Puzzled, Hera said guardedly, "I never said I was afraid."

Ezra blinked dazedly at her, then lowered his head. "Please don't tell Kanan."

Kanan needed to know. This was his padawan who was losing himself.

But it was also her boy who was wounded and vulnerable, begging for Hera's confidence.

She couldn't betray him.


	6. Wreckage

\- 8 months after  _Never Alone_

* * *

It started with a Mynock Fever vaccination.

Chopper whirled inside seconds too late, rattling on about expired medications and mislabeled products.

Thirty seconds later, Ezra began to spasm.

Kanan blamed the drugs.

Zeb figured the kid had been off his rocker since Mustafar.

Sabine just stared.

Hera had suspected all along.

"Get off!" Ezra grated, struggling frenziedly as Kanan held his wrists. Claw marks from the kid's own nails already stretched from Ezra's hairline to his chin. "Let go! You're not my father! I hate you! I just want Kanan back!"

"Ezra, calm down!" Kanan urged, grunting when a boot slammed his stomach. "Zeb, hold him!"

"I'm trying! Wriggling womp rat!" Zeb complained.

"You're not my father! Get out of my head!" Ezra spat in Kanan's face, twisting to bite his fingers.

"Karabast!" Kanan yelled, yanking one hand away. "Hera, what was in that serum?"

"Chopper is running diagnostics now," Hera said sharply. "I need a blood sample."

"Oh, sure!" Zeb grunted. "Use a blasted needle when the kid's panicking."

"You're not my father! Get away from me!" A sudden  _whump_  in the force and both Kanan and Zeb were staggering against opposite walls. Ezra rolled away, hands outstretched defensively.

"I'm not your pawn, Vader!"

"Karabast, he's lost his mind!" Zeb growled.

"Ezra! Stand down!" Hera shouted, raising her blaster to stun.

"Hera, stop!" Kanan shouted. He slid one foot closer to Ezra, hands raised harmlessly. "Listen to me, Ezra. This is another hallucination. You are not on Mustafar."

"Don't talk to me!" Ezra snarled, open palm curling towards his master. "I know this isn't real. You think you can sway me by mimicking Kanan? I've seen all your tricks. You're not him!"

"Sabine, get out of here!" Kanan ordered.

"She's not there! No one is there!" Desperately Ezra clapped his hands over his ears. "My mother was Mira Bridger! My mother was Mira Bridger! You are not my father!"

"Your father was Ephraim Bridger!" Kanan's voice took on a panicked note. "Your mother's name was Mira. You were born on Lothal. You were raised there for fourteen years. You are padawan to Jedi Kanan. Your name is Ezra Bridger!"

Ezra gaped, disconcerted, and fell against the wall. "Who – who are you?"

Kanan lashed out one hand as Zeb advanced. "Stand down."

Unnerved, the Lasat backed away. Ezra trembled.

"My name is Kanan Jarrus," Kanan said calmingly. "I command the Ghost. The Twi'lek you see is my pilot; Hera. My crewmates around you are Sabine and Zeb, and that annoying rustbucket over there is called Chopper."

Chopper blatted exasperatedly and flung a bolt at Kanan's face. The Jedi spluttered incomprehensibly and glowered.

"Helium particles," Hera determined, finally recognizing the symptoms. "They must have contaminated the vaccination. Helium is deadly to Mynocks; it could have dichotomized the antidote."

"Is there a remedy?" Kanan asked, keeping his eyes on Ezra.

"Give him time to calm down," Hera said reluctantly. "Once the vaccination and helium break each other apart, it should disperse without further reactions."

"I don't want you here!" Ezra moaned. "Get away from me. Get out of my head!"

"It's all right, Ezra," Kanan said, slowly easing to the floor. He waved for Zeb and Sabine to do the same. Hera settled cross-legged across from Ezra. "It'll pass."

"My name is Ezra Bridger. My name is Ezra Bridger." The kid thunked his head back with each declaration.

"Ezra, stop," Sabine pleaded. "You'll hurt yourself."

Ezra sucked in a breath and shifted closer to her, glancing furiously at Kanan. "Don't touch her."

Kanan cringed. "I'm staying right here."

"Eh, what's all this nonsense?" Zeb asked waveringly. "I mean, I know Vader messed up his head, but …."

"It's nothing," Kanan said quickly. "He's wasted on meds."

"Yeah, we already knew that." Zeb snorted.

Sabine was silent.

"Ezra Bridger. Ezra Bridger. Bridger. Bridger.…."

"Kanan, maybe we should give him some time alone," Hera said placidly. She glanced at Kanan and twitched one eyebrow in warning.  _Not in front of everyone. He's spooked enough._

"Zeb, Sabine, we'll tell you when this is over," Kanan said.

"Wait, now you're sending us away?" Sabine protested. "He's not afraid of  _me_!"

Kanan swallowed. Immediately Hera stepped in. "Sabine, mind the helm. Chopper, Zeb, find something to repair on the lower decks. Kanan is right; there are too many people here."

"Not a Sith, not a Sith," Ezra chanted as he rocked. Sabine's expression twisted and fear lurked in her eyes. Following Zeb's guidance, she slunk from the room.

At last they were alone.

"Kanan, when is this going to stop?" Hera whispered. "What aren't you telling me?"

He looked at her with defeated blue-green eyes. "Whatever they ask, tell them it was the drugs. We can't pass this on, Hera."

"Pass on  _what_?" Hera's eyes narrowed when Kanan looked away.

"So it's true," she guessed. "That's what's freaking him out. He's …." Hera glanced at the hall and dropped her voice to a whisper. "You never told me!"

"There was no proof!" Kanan grated. "Vader was looking for ways to manipulate the kid – and it looks like he succeeded."

"So you hide this from the rest of the crew – from  _me_  – and you think you made the right choice because –"

"Do you think Sabine and Zeb would treat him any differently if they knew he was heir to the Empire?"

Hera stuttered. She knew her crew. She knew how doubt overwhelmed the kindest hearts.

"We  _can't_  let them know," Kanan insisted. "Ezra is the son of Ephraim and Mira Bridger. His past remains the same."

"Just an ordinary Loth-kid." Hera nodded. Her heart lanced as she heard Ezra's muffled sobs.  _Born of the Sith. Kid, what has the galaxy done to you?_

"As soon as this passes, I'll take him to my room; give him a chance to calm down." Kanan rubbed his old shoulder wound. "Can you invent a plausible cover?"

"Fresh out of ideas?" Hera asked with a morose smile.

"Tired of handling it alone," Kanan admitted.

Shaking her head, Hera slid forward and clasped his hand. "Hey. They're my kids, too."

"K-Kanan?" Ezra gave a broken hitch, looking up with inflamed eyes.

"Allergy time," Hera warned Kanan. She crawled to her feet and stretched. "I'll find the stim shots."

"You with us, Ezra?" Kanan asked, pressing his hand against the padawan's slick brow.

"Kanan, I don'feel so…."

Hera shut her eyes as retching sounded behind her. From Kanan's pent sigh, he hadn't quite moved in time.

"Sorry," Ezra mumbled.

"It's fine, kid. Come on; you can sleep in my room until you feel better."

"Head's fuzzy," Ezra groaned. "Think I said something…. Hurts…."

"Mynock and helium reaction. You're past the worst of it."

"What'd I say?" Ezra lisped.

"Nothing beyond the usual cantankerous gibberish. Just close your eyes, kid."

"Don't hate you…." Ezra murmured.

Shaking her head, Hera rifled through the med-kit. Chopper crept from the corner and bumped incessantly against her leg.

"Not a word," Hera warned. Sighing, she crouched beside the droid and stroked his head. "What am I going to do, Chop?"

Cover story. Hallucinations. She had spent her life acting; this should be simple.

"But what am I supposed to tell them?" Hera whispered.

_Everything but the truth._

Ezra deserved a normal family.

It was the one thing the Ghost could never offer.


End file.
